We bet that if you had a dime for every time someone told you to stop chewing on your fingers, you’d be able to hire the entire cast of Jersey Shore to dress up as hobo clowns for your next birthday.
Actually, they would probably do that for free.
Regardless, nail biting is pretty gross, but it gets even worse when you start peeling away at your poor cuticles. Before you know it, you’re getting blood all over your Blackberry as you try to text for help.
Well, help has arrived! Stress can drive us to do some unsightly things, but gnawing away at your paws doesn’t have to be one of them. Follow this helpful list of tips to keep you from chewing up your digits and spitting them out.
•Put your fingertips in frozen Carbonite, a la Han Solo at the end of Empire.
•Paint your nails and cuticles with cyanide.
•Encase your mouth in a stainless steel cage.
•Dress up your elbows up as delicious ribeye steaks, so you want to nibble on those, instead.
•Stab your hand to the table with a kitchen knife so you can’t bring your fingers up to your mouth.
•Cut off your finger tips.
•Teach your cuticles jujitsu in order to defend themselves from an onslaught of attacks from your teeth and tongue.
•Sit your mouth and cuticles in a room with a therapist to hash out their destructive relationship.
•Paint each nail to look like The Beatles because, think about it… you wouldn’t ever put Ringo Starr in your mouth, would you?
•Staple your mouth shut and eat through a straw in your nose.
•Watch The Notebook with your cuticles. After that, you’ll cherish every moment you have together and you’ll never want to bite down on them again.
•Become a hand model for designer finger pants (pants that you wear on your fingers, that’s what).
•Enter your cuticles into the countywide 4H Finger-Ends Growing Competition and go for that blue ribbon!
•Sharpen your cuticles to razor sharp edges.
•Gargle with muriatic acid to dissolve your teeth and tongue.
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